原創詩歌翻譯

2024-06-30 詩歌

　　[原創]A Blossomy Tree 一棵開花的樹

　　一棵開花的樹

　　如何讓你遇見我

　　在我最美麗的時刻

　　為這

　　我已在佛前求了五百年

　　求佛讓我們結一段塵緣

　　佛於是把我化做一棵樹

　　長在你必經的路旁

　　陽光下

　　慎重地開滿了花

　　朵朵都是我前世的盼望

　　當你走近

　　請你細聽

　　那顫抖的葉

　　是我等待的熱情

　　而當你終於無視地走過

　　在你身後落了一地的

　　朋友啊

　　那不是花瓣

　　那是我凋零的心

　　A Blossomy Tree

　　How should you meet me

　　At the moment I am most pretty

　　For it

　　I have prayed God for five hundred years

　　Beg him to vouchsafe us a luck

　　Thus he turns me into a tree

　　To stand along the roadside

　　That you must pass by

　　In the sunlight

　　Blossoming with prudence

　　Every buds are hopes from my preexistence

　　When you approaching

　　Please listening

　　The quivery leaves

　　Are the passions of my waiting

　　While when you going by

　　Without a look

　　All those falling over the earth

　　Dear, my friend

　　It's not petals

　　It's my emarcid heart.

　　[原創]《靜夜思》的翻譯啊

　　靜夜思

　　李白

　　床前明月光，疑是地上霜。

　　舉頭望明月，低頭思故鄉。

　　先看徐忠杰和許淵沖的:

　　1).In the Still of the Night

　　I descry bright moonlight in front of my bed.

　　I suspect it to be hoary frost on the floor.

　　I watch the bright moon, as I tilt back my head.

　　I yearn, while stooping, for my homeland more.

　　（徐忠杰）

　　2).A Tranquil Night

　　Abed, I see a silver light,

　　I wonder if it's frost aground.

　　Looking up, I find the moon bright;

　　Bowing, in homesickness I'm drowned.

　　(許淵沖譯)

　　其他先不說,每句必有一個I( 徐忠杰有一行有兩個!)顯得很拙笨,機械,原詩的飄逸靈動全失.尤其是徐忠杰的,這又不是作數學題,你那一排I是列公式呢?另外徐的版本有詞語使用的錯誤,STOOP是彎腰,躬背的意思,李白是那么看的嗎?許的BOW也不妥當,BOW有恭謙的意味,比如飯店門口迎賓的小姐(NO PUN INTENDED).許的DESCRY只能是個笑話.DESCRY的意思是通過努力觀察發現某種(不易被發現的)東西,信息.而且DESCRY太生僻,用在這里無論是意思還是意境都很不妥當.

　　比較兩個版本,許的要勝出HANDS DOWN.尤其是ABED,AGROUND的使用頗顯功力.

　　在來幾個洋人的版本.雖然也有一些SETBACKS,但感覺上比上面兩個要流暢.

　　In the Quiet Night

　　So bright a gleam on the foot of my bed---

　　Could there have been a frost already?

　　Lifting my head to look, I found that it was moonlight.

　　Sinking back again, I thought suddenly of home.

　　(Tr. Witter Bynner)

　　第一句月亮沒出來,把它安排在第三句,還FOUND,顯得很多余.第2句我認為翻譯的很貼切,有種淡淡的驚訝( MILDLY STARTLED ),而且把"霜"寫的很真實,襯托出了"疑似".最后一句與原詩差異較大,李白應該是沒躺回去.另外SUDDENLY感覺有些ABRUPT.思鄉之情我感覺應該是像月光一樣緩緩在夜色下流淌的.

　　Night Thoughts

　　I wake, and moonbeams play around my bed,

　　Glittering like hoar-frost to my wandering eyes;

　　Up towards the glorious moon I raise my head,

　　Then lay me down---and thoughts of home arise.

　　( Tr. Herbert A. Giles)

　　有關題目的翻譯,這是第一個出來"思"(THOUGHT)的.但綜觀全詩,重點是對月光的描寫,而非直接描寫思想活動,所以翻成NIGHT THOUGHTS感覺有些太直白,而且沒有把握住本詩重在"靜夜",和不是"思",思鄉之情全因月色而起.用ON A TRANQUIL NIGHT之類的點到為止就很好了.第一句的"play around"大殺風景,把原詩恬淡,靜謐的氣氛徹底攪亂. " wandering eyes"也與意境不符,作者應該是若有所思地專注的看著"地上霜",而不是WANDERING. 最后的LAY ME DOWN也是原文里沒有提到的.( HE MUST BE OBSESSED WITH GETTING LAID )

　　The Moon Shines Everywhere

　　Seeing the moon before my couch so bright

　　I thought hoar frost had fallen from the night.

　　On her clear face I gaze with lifted eyes:

　　Then hide them full of Youth's sweet memories.

　　(Tr. W.J.B. Fletcher)

　　題目就不說了,TOO FAR-FETCHED:/ 前三句可以說是翻得很好(除了那個HER的指代不是很清楚外),但是第4句MAKES THE WHOLE POEM FALL ON ITS FACE.

　　Thoughts in a Tranquil Night

　　Athwart the bed

　　I watch the moonbeams cast a trail

　　So bright, so cold, so frail,

　　That for a space it gleams

　　Like hoar-frost on the margin of my dreams.

　　I raise my head, -

　　The splendid moon I see:

　　Then droop my head,

　　And sink to dreams of thee -

　　My father land , of thee!

　　譯者LET HIS PASSION GET THE BETTER OF HIM.把幽雅,深沉的一首CAMEO小詩變成了拖沓的感情爆發(OUTBURST)(My father land , of thee!) STILL WORTH A GOOD LAUGH!

　　床前明月光，疑是地上霜。

　　舉頭望明月，低頭思故鄉

　　Bright moonlight over my bed

　　white as if frost were on the floor.

　　Upon the fairy moon I beheld

　　before thought of home lowered my head.

　　[原創]untitled

　　Listen to a song

　　that puts tears

　　back in your eyes

　　as you sing along;

　　Knock back the wine

　　that swirls your head

　　as you glide down

　　the slide of night.

　　Destroy this world

　　lay waste to Arcadia

　　dismember dead hopes,

　　stinking fallen birds;

　　Flush down inner peace

　　mangle the web of order,

　　surrender to raging chaos

　　this anarchy of universe;

　　Don't flee like a guest

　　stay and see me bleed,

　　stay and hold me close,

　　stay as if you never left.

　　[原創]She Is Leaving

　　Could it all be a mistake

　　and the good time is only a crossing

　　of our separate fates?

　　For the sweet memories' sake

　　I cherish the other possibilty-

　　Or is it too late?

　　There is no use to persuade

　　myself that you are a dear friend-

　　my eyes can't fake.

　　The pain is too much to take

　　yet I keep piling on more of it

　　for my heart to taste,

　　In the hope that it'll wake

　　from love's rosy bed of death

　　which you for me had made.

　　I've been through that date

　　of our parting hundreds of times

　　to make sure all will be OK

　　When it does come to claim

　　you from my desperate clutching

　　under a strained face.

　　When the train takes you away

　　I hope you could hear in your heart

　　what I failed to say.

　　[原創]Rantings now I feel bad

　　Today is one of those days when the emptiness of life bears down on me with all its forlorn might, as if the whole of the world has started caving in, in whose heaping ruins I scramble in vain for a way out. The light at the end of the tunnel flickers like a candle at the mercy of a relentless storm, at each moment its fire may be devoured by the raging darkness, as if no light had been held against this reign of horror.

　　The fading breath of hope clings on the iron-hard wall of void that threatens to crumble at the slightest touch, and bury all despair, despondency, exaltation and enthusiasm in a flash of total collapse that brings down the rosy curtains of life and exposes my weary heart on the barren moor of groyesque layout.

　　Where is the hiding place of the guiding light. Is it now trembling in the icy cavern under blustering northern winds? Or writhing in the acrid sands sizzling in the torrid sun? Where is the oasis that doesn't turn out to be a teasing mirage, that offers in abundance luscious fruits to quench the burning thirst cutting my throat? When will the sun rise to dispel darkness like a half-lucid nightmare evaporating into the exuberance of morning light?

　　Trudging alone in the labyrinth of life, besieged by shadowy ghosts of intangible fears, I carry the torch-light of the belief, amid the constant surgings of overpowering doubt,that I am equal to all the obstacles life has entrenched ahead of me, with the strength that originates within, whose exertion can smash every last piece of tormenting confusion. With each step made forward, however, this belief wavers in the face of accumulating evidence to the opposite.Is now the time to call it a day and relinquish the will to hold on? There's nothing I can fall back on if I let it go, there seemed to be nothing that I will reach if I persist.

　　So what is the answer in between? Or does it lie else where?

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