House: See that? They all assume I’m a patient because of this cane.
Wilson: So put on a white coat like the rest of us.
House: I don’t want them to think I’m a doctor.
Wilson: You see where the administration might have a problem with that attitude.
House: People don’t want a sick doctor.
Wilson: Fair enough. I don’t like healthy patients.
Judy: So you figure my marriage is a mathematical error.
House: Wilson! This is Dry Cleaner Guy. Tax Accountant. Guy from the bus
stop. This is Wilson.
Dry Cleaner: How come he gets a name?
House: Seniority.
Dr. Chase: You’re going to talk to a patient?
House: God talks to him. It’d be arrogant of me to assume I’m better than
God.
House: God ever talk to you when you were in the seminary?
Dr. Chase: Ummm... no.
House: God’s loss, our gain.
Ronald: I assume House is a great doctor?
Dr. Chase: Why would you assume that?
Ronald: Because if you’re that big a jerk you’re either great or
unemployed.
House: (discussing Alex’s breasts) Two clinic hours says that those love
apples are handcrafted by God.
Dr. Foreman: I thought you didn’t believe in God.
House: I do now.
Stella: What’s wrong with your foot?
House: War wound.
Stella: Does it hurt?
House: Every day.
Stella: Is that why you’re so sad?
House: Oh aren’t you adorable. I’m not sad, I’m complicated - chicks dig
that. One day you’ll understand.
Dr. Chase:We’ve got an MRI scheduled in twenty minutes. Earliest Foreman
could get the machine.
House: I teach you to lie and cheat and steal, and as soon as my back is
turned you wait in line?
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